As I watch him, lying there, sleeping so peacefully, I wonder did God intend to give him to me? At night, I go to his crib and stare at him intently crying in silence not really knowing what’s in store for us. Now, here I am over a month later once again questioning God’s intent for me. I mean look at his tiny little hands and feet. He’s so fragile. I’m still afraid to hold him.
As he sleeps, he looks like he’s smiling. I wonder what’s on your mind, little warrior. Are you thinking about your future the way I am? I wonder daily where he will fall in this world built on greed and envy. Will he grow to be someone admired by the world? Or just the local street thugs? Will he grow to become a strong man, husband, and father? Or just another man following in his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps not knowing how to be a father himself?
How will I know what to do? Will I be able to comfort him with the trials he will face in his life? Counsel him through pain and loss? Will I be able to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a football, drive a car? Can I actually teach him how a real man treats a real woman? Look at my little warrior, Dominique Ashanti, sleeping without a care in the world. I stand next to his crib hoping I will be able to handle the task set before me. And at that moment, on a rainy day in March 1990, the Lord saw fit to tell me "Erika, you and this child I’ve given you, will be just fine".
Written March 2006 by Erika G.