Friday, August 28, 2009

Misplaced Love

I’m standing here
straining to hear the wind
as it rushes from your parched lips
the lifeless I will always love you's
And something about me never trusting you
and as my mind somersaults over flashbacks
of this unrehearsed yet flawless waltz we’re moving to
and the serenade of violins with broken strings to dance to
I only ask that you give me my time to speak

My time to refresh your broken flawed memory
and without words allow me to lie pressed against your back
so that you may feel my heart as it melts into your skin
transmitting those things you seem to have forgotten
but I still carry without intention deep within
not just some of it but all of it
because you seemed to have misplaced my loving you

A time that by you has been wiped away
like the wind stretching its hand across the sky’s canvas
wiping away at my love, lust, admiration, and passion
and I get that you don’t want to be left with the remnants
of a lover's pain on your conscience
knowing that it was I who truly gave you love's devotion
but I will not allow you the freedom from that daily struggle
because I want you no I need you to remember me

For I know that I was the epitome of heaven
on earth as you had all of me
so let me correct this obvious misunderstanding
that you loved more than me
because in fact I gave you all 5’2” of me
and not just everything between my heart and my knees
but I granted you dominion over my everything

So permit me the chance to give my testimony
of how I prayed to God that you would always love me
and how I thought marrying you edified me
and that He would bless the seeds you placed within me
offering my body to become the resting place for your legacy
allowing your nameplate to be pressed throughout history
that my hands be used to bring pleasure to thee
caressing your face, your back, and other things
that my food would not only nourish but enlighten thee
and that resting your head between my legs
well that that was a delicacy
that you yourself got on your knees and praised daily

So let’s not act as if we only had a chance encounter
a passing of time
because it doesn’t match your words now
you can’t say I will always love you
and look for a way out
it’s contradictory
you can’t say that I am like your hummingbird
and close the window on my singing
nor be thankful for the sun
but never open your eyes for seeing
shouting out your prayers
but not truly ever believing
that we would transcend this world
admonishing times restrictions on our thinking
loving without destinations or scenery
because our only argument would be
that you loved more than me

And I now face the revelation
that you were not blessed with the capacity
to love anyone naturally
because the clashing of your ego
against your manhood is what has brought
us to this spiritless assembly
and in fact I now pity you
for this is not the man I so desperately
wanted to remain connected to in this life
and the one we were to come back to

So without sympathy I mourn the passing
of what resembled love for you
and your zombie-like existence
for being wrapped in a cloak of darkness
never being able to feel the
passion of love’s divineness
Not loving me the way you should have

This cannot be the life that you envisioned
but I will leave you with the fallacy
that you will always love me
even though you don’t know what it feels like
and even though I know that you never loved
more than me

© 2009 Erika G.

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