Friday, January 8, 2010

Death Do Us Part [7/30]

As I stood in the corner of the room
with my finger on the trigger
I tried to remember
why you weren’t already dead
What could be done
that was not already said
Especially since I’ve lost count of the times
And yes I’ve been counting
The times I lied to my friends
About the bumps and the bruises
Coming up with foolish excuses
Counting the makeup sponges
I’ve thrown away
Counting the sticks of Fashion Fair Honey Bronze
I’ve purchased
Counting the numbers of hairs on your head
Counting the times you fell asleep before me
Counting the number of steps from our bed to safety
A place far away from here
Counting the number of bullets I might need
to make sure you don’t follow me
Apologizing for something that I never said
I asked you
begged you
Please don’t hit me
Please don’t kill me
Please don’t make me

Tired from the constant barrages of questions
The snatching away of clothes as I rested
The forcing of your tongue down my throat
Or your dry penis between my legs
And I’m suppose to like it
I’m suppose to be grateful
Thankful that you still want me
If no one else does
I’m suppose to ignore that my babies wake up
Checking my pulse every morning
Wondering is mommy dead yet
Asking why does she stay
Why does she just keep crying
Why doesn’t she fight back
And I pray to you
My new god
Because the one I was raised to believe in
Doesn’t hear me
Doesn’t save me
I fall on my face and ask you
Please don’t let my babies grow up
without their mommy
Please allow me to kiss your lips
so it can remind me
Of how you once loved me
Of how you adored me
But you just laughed
And I wish I had the strength
To walk away but I can’t
Because I still want you
Want you to want me
Love me
Stay with me
And I need you to tell me
How much you’ll always love me
Tell me damn it
Before the bullet passes
Silencing this time between us
Because I want to hear you say it
Until death do us part

© Erika Gresham 12/24/09

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