Friday, January 2, 2009

My Tears Are Bittersweet


What do tears taste like?
A question presented that now I ponder
can it actually be defined?
I wonder
is there another response
not resembling the salt of the ocean’s water?
or through nightly studies of my own tastings
will I ever be supplied with a definitive answer?
For I realize though
we may discover some similarities
your perception may not be likened to my reality
and to this we will probably disagree
but be mindful
even twin flames destined
to live happily ever after
are given conditional guarantees
So I doubt that your tears taste like mine
Nor mine like yours
for you may have tears of honey
all that is good and pleasing to savor
but mine
my tears are both bitter and sweet
containing the aftertaste of love
as uncertainties above my head loom
a mixture of emotions
that on the tip of my tongue
have left questions heightened
by my own delectable senses
of what it is that I have actually consumed
So my tears
are bittersweet
What do tears taste like?
Sometimes my tears taste like
memories of two that were blessed
united as one
producing an intoxicating feeling
like the finest of liquors
for our love was suppose to conquer all
no time for anger or sadness
crossing over obstacles hand in hand
vowing a promise to always be
and like Lauryn and D’Angelo
"Nothing else really mattered"
but we learned that
it did
because around my feet lay
the pieces of our hopes and dreams shattered
like a vintage mirror that lay in disarray
damn near impossible to replace
and so the sweet became bitter
and memories were hard to remember
made hazy by shadows of doubt and fear
that maybe we were to never have been here
trying to take matters into our own hands
never stopping to consider where we were going
or how this may all eventually end
only knowing that he loved me more than any other man
and I loved him beyond what I myself could comprehend
So my tears
are bittersweet
What do tears taste like?
Sometimes my tears taste like
the first time we met
the warmth of that first smile
and ease of our first conversation
his silliness and confidence
that was neither cocky nor arrogant
but quickly garnered my attention
just a man being what a man should be
for we both had high hopes and ambitions
a person to whom I could simply relate
exchange thoughts, share doctrines and appreciate
and one day something happened to me inside
that I had never experienced in this here life
it was during one of our first few times together
I found myself envisioning the words "I do"
and becoming this man’s wife forever
and I did
kind of
of course now I only see him in my dreams
and I awake thinking about his embrace
the way he kissed my neck as he held onto me
visions I have tried unsuccessfully to erase
I sit remembering now what I couldn’t then
as things changed and our laughter was hushed
by silence that spoke so loudly that noone could hear
or feel hearts being torn apart as hours faded into days
and days introduced themselves to weeks of monotony
living in a state of denial and routine pleasantries
dismissing that nothing was truly wrong
or just deciding maybe its me
but just as a wound left unclean becomes infected
lack of hope
or was it lack of faith
or was it just lack of-
left us both feeling neglected
So my tears
are bittersweet
What do tears taste like?
My tears taste like
memories of what could have been
watching our boys as they become men
and visions of our love forming a healthy baby girl
watching her grow into a beautiful young lady
something which we never quite created
and with the sweetness of berries
and the bitterness of a plum that
has yet to ripen
I am left
with a mixture of good and bad
some happy
others sad
tears that are at times pleasant and sour
like a pasture covered with wild flowers
something that I would not partake
so an assumption for anyone else
I am not qualified to make
but I have tasted my own tears
and they are both
bitter and sweet

Erika G. © 11/2006

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